I can't wait till I'm done here. I really can't. I want to start over, make new friends (not that mine suck), have a different life. I just want to forget everything here.

Last night was by far the coldest night of my life so far. O my gosh. ANd now I'm not feeling to great in terms of health.

So i have to work tomorrow for ten hours and i am not looking forward to it, but then again, i asked for these hours. I'M POOR!

I never seem to have a stress free day now... I am always thinking about something I have to do or that is coming up that i have to get done now. Or something will happen and everything will go crazy and there will be lots of stress. I hate that.

I am excited for Thanksgiving break. Well, actually, I'm not, but I thought i needed something at least a little positive in this entry. Lol.

i really think i am going to bitch slap my mom soon. i was planning on going up to see Renee this weekend but now my mom is saying i can't because I can't go to any colleges to visit my friends. I have had these plans forever! she says i cant drive that far. WTF!?!?!?! she was fine with it before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have missed my friends.

I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD! THANK YOU FOR MY PARTY! IT WAS SO NICE! THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelsey and Alison planned a surprise birthday party for me with my mom. It was one of the best surprises I have ever had. thank you! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!


I don't post very often anymore because of the fact that I don't have internet still. It freaking blows. I want it back!

I am school using the computers for "school Related" purposes. Oh yes.

I had McDonalds for lunch today and it makes me feel so gross. And it makes me not like myself even more than I already do. (I'm sorry to be pessimistic but hey. it's my journal)

I don't think i can go to homecoming this year. I can't afford it. I have a lot of changes to make right now because of money. It isn't that fun. But I can do it. It will be alright.

Willpower willpower willpower.

So... yeah. Im at Jessie's. We didn't go to 5th and 6th today. Oh well.


i want to go away. see no one or talk to anyone. be alone. not care. no school. no worrying. no dumb ass job. i dont like any of it.

So... my friends are leaving this week. Not all of them, but a large portion. I'm sad.

I loved World Trade Center. It was such a great film and deserved the five stars it got. I don't like Nick Cage, but I liked him in this movie.

I have a Dahls name tag now.... it says Adam. My name is Adam.




Yeah... i need to sleep soon. lol.



I LOVE WEEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




i love my friends.

MY INTERNET IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I FEEL BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not because of the internet, but i feel better now. i talked to my daddy about it.

i is good.

Have you ever been so confused and just overloaded with thoughts and feelings? I am. And I am tired of it. Ever since I was little I have gone though spouts of "bad feelings" is what I called it. I get scared and nervous and just filled with anxiety. I have been going through this since i was like, eight. I still do it. Why? I get shaky and uncomfortable and think things that aren't true. And I get worried that I am becoming something that I don't want to be. Something that makes me sick to my stomach. I pray that this goes away at some point in my life. That I don't act on feeling or thoughts that I know and hope are just that. I feel like I need and exorcism or something. I want peace in my life. I want a completeness. I have it sometimes, when I am at church or when I pray with someone like my dad. But it isn't ALWAYS there. But these thoughts and feelings are. Almost always. I wish they would go away. I pray that they do. Maybe it is a youth thing. Something that you go through as a child and teen until you are grown up and figure yourself out. Maybe I am going through some phase that I can grow out of. I beg God to make this go away. Give me a peace that will last me the rest of my life and rid me of these terrible thoughts and feelings of anxiety. Please, God.

If any Christians are reading this or even anyone else, pray to make this go away. I don't want this to ruin my life or control it. I am 16 and I want to be happy. I want to feel good and not be confused or scared. Make it go away. Please. I've prayed my whole life about it. Maybe if someone else does it will go away.

I'm over at Alison's right now. She is upstairs watching Hope Floats and I am avoiding watching it. It's sad and I don't want to cry.

So I am wanting to have fun tonight. I think that I will.

I'm tired.

I don't like work.

School starts soon.

I applied to UNI.

"I found you, Miss New Booty!"

People aren't assholes I guess.

Alison's not. (HA!)